Johnny Boi
Introduction Jonathan is an ex-friend of Max Kinner, he is a constant burden of everyone he is around. It's truly a miracle that anyone even puts up with the man. He is the only person on the planet who can say something completely seriously and still sound like he's bullshitting you. He spends at least half of his life going to pointless parties with the four people who managed to be bigger losers than him. High School This was where Jonathan peaked in life. It was one of the few times he wasn't completely fat (Mostly because football forced him to work out). This was the time when shitting on everyone was socially acceptable (Especially in the festering cesspool of snakes that is Big Bear). He enrolled in football and managed to become fake friends with everyone on the team. This feat was unheard of in Big Bear High School until this point. Normally there is at least one genuine bond formed. Johnny Boi chose to instead make friends with others who were also peaking at the time. Somehow this chubby man managed to get into multiple relationships regardless of being a douchebag 24/7. He often claimed that he cared deeply for these women, but it's clear that he just wanted sex with women who had no confidence (Which would explain their choice of Jonathan in the first place). Appearance Jonathan has a butt-chin and a defined one at that. He wears glasses to cover up the fact that he looks like a gay fish without it. Jonathan is tall, but likely doesn't have an equally sized penis given his personality. He also gain weight like to other, and pushes being fat often. He often wears hypebeast clothes that only serve to make everything worse. Parties This is where Jonathan can thrive the most. His complete douchbaggery can easily be ignored when everyone is a douchebag. He often shows up to parties uninvited and has even told others to do so. John does this because no sane person would actually want to be around him. "Friends" John has never had an equal friendship in his life. The vast majority of people that Jonathan hangs out with are completely fake around him. If you ask any of his supposed "friends," about Jonathan, they will instantly criticize him. This is because Jonathan has an ego larger than the moon and people can spend as little time with him as possible. Mason Mason is actually a genuine friend of Jonathan, unfortunately Mason wasn't popular enough in High School for Jonathan to really care. Jonathan uses Mason as a means to an end. Mason will do anything that Jonathan wants, regardless of how obnoxious the task is. Mason either chooses to ignore Jonathan's blatant manipulation, or doesn't even notice. Jonathan will always force Mason to listen to his music. This is because Jonathan has Mason so whipped that he will do what he wants, and will let Jonathan take over his own car as well. Jonathan truly fucking hates when he doesn't have complete control over Mason. John is so controlling that he legitimately wants Mason to tell him whenever he is in Big Bear. If Mason doesn't do this, John will actually get mad. This process manipulates Mason into doing whatever Jonathan wants. John doesn't have a car, so Mason helps immensely. Max Kinner Max Kinner used to be manipulated by John in a similar manner. Max eventually stopped taking his relentless barrage of bullshit. Jonathan constantly insulted and attacked Max without any remorse. Even sensitive topics were brought up if Max insulted John too well. This ironically was a dead giveaway that Jonathan was insulted by Max. Not every insult was warranted however. At one point, Jonathan insulted Max just because he was talking to Seraiah. Max took this punishment regardless of how obvious it was that John was a bad person. There were also many conflicts over Dezerae, but that is covered in more depth in the relationship section. Aiden Faggarty Aiden is the most blatantly manipulated by Jonathan. Aiden will go along with whatever Jonathan says, no matter what it is. They have flipped portable toilets multiple times, and may even be responsible for putting multiple shopping karts in Max Kinner's yard. Aiden is one of the few people who rival Jonathan in terms of shittiness. These two were made for each other. Relationships Drugs Jonathan has done nearly as many drugs as Jack. However, John seems to have a talent for not being slightly different whenever he takes anything. Alcohol John drinks alcohol more than water. He pretends to be a connoisseur of alcohol, but he likes the cheapest shit. He likes to brag about how tolerant he is, even though no one cares. Weed John is very proud of how much he smokes weed. He has one variant for each day of the week, possibly even the month. John thankfully doesn't constantly talk about his time with weed like other pot heads. Vaping John is someone who smokes the faggot flute on a daily basis. He fails to realize how dumb vaping is, and has diluted himself into believing it was cool. He has a ton of vape flavors, and even holds it in his lungs to appear cool. Coffee Who cares? Games Contrary to what he would tell you, Jonathan loves to waste his life playing shit games like Destiny. Jonathan also spends tons of money on microtransactions, but is rightfully embarrassed by this fact. Clash of Clans John has spend a ton of money on the game. John is unfortunately worse than Ear Wig at the game much like Mason. He doesn't play this game very often any more. Clash of Clans John is very bad at this game, he can't even get out of Hog Mountain. Destiny This is probably the worst example of a life waster that John ever spent money on (Other than Fortnite and Rocket League of course). Destiny is a shit Halo rip-off that barely deserves CoD CoD is a game the everyone around John played. He isn't one to miss trends, so he obviously had to Rocket League Yes really, John spends a ton of money on Rocket League. He has tons of rare skins and you can bet that he hit the loot boxes hard.